by torch, flambeau@strangeplaces.net
May 4-22
Fourth verse same as the first: not mine! Much thanks to elynross for editing and funnier lines, and to Merry for encouragement. Do not archive without permission.
Small mammals
"We had a plan for what we were going to do when we got here," Sheppard said.
"No, we didn't," Rodney said, squinting at his scanner. "We didn't even have a plan for getting here."
"Yes, we did. I said that if we got out of this alive, I'd have sex with the first person I saw, and you said that sounded like a good idea, and then we ran like hell and here we are."
Rodney looked around. "Wherever here is. We're in the middle of the woods, Major, and we haven't actually met anyone, and if we did meet someone, they'd probably shoot at us again, and I'm not going back to Atlantis and explaining to Elizabeth that you got shot while trying to have sex with an Ekleusi troop commander. And I don't believe I ever said it sounded like a good idea. I know you have a selective hearing problem—"
"I have a selective hearing problem?"
"—and what kind of an idea is that, anyway, having sex with the first person you meet?"
"A better idea than sacrificing the first person you see to the gods?"
Rodney looked up from the scanner. "I can think of about five thousand things that are better than sacrificing the first person you meet to the gods, including dental surgery. Have you been going to those let's share our cultures and get to know each other evenings that Elizabeth's sponsoring?"
"She made me go." Sheppard checked his P-90. "She's gonna make you go, too."
"Not if I see her coming." Rodney tapped the screen, turned it 90 degrees, and tapped it again. "Let's try this way."
"I get the feeling you're not on board with my plan." Sheppard took point. "And sex is a lot more fun than dental surgery."
"Yes, fine, I'm not about to argue with the blindingly obvious. Feel free to try to have sex with the next person we meet, or the next squirrel, if you'd rather. Personally, I'm going to concentrate on trying to get out of here."
"I guess a bed would be more comfortable. How long till we're out of range of the radio interference?"
"Another kilometer. At least we don't have to run." Rodney rechecked the readings. "Isn't that cheating, taking the squirrel home with you?"
"The first person I saw," Sheppard said. "Not the first small mammal. You're the only person I see around here, and I'm definitely taking you home with me, otherwise I'm going to be in all kinds of trouble. I mean, I'm not going to explain to Weir that I left you behind because you're not a squirrel."
Rodney frowned at the scanner. Then he looked up and frowned at Sheppard. "Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly strange? That way."
Sheppard just grinned, and went that way. Rodney followed him, until there was a faint sound from somewhere, and they both dived behind the same tree. Something that might have been a squirrel chittered at them from high in the branches. Then Sheppard relaxed and dragged Rodney out from behind the tree again. "It's Ford." The sound came again, and was unmistakably someone whistling Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. "And Teyla."
"So Ford's the first person you met," Rodney said with a quick glance up at the possible squirrel, and Sheppard raised his eyebrows in a face of mock incomprehension and then they followed Ford and Teyla back through the woods, moving much faster now, until they'd circled back around and found the puddlejumper without running into any more Ekleusi soldiers.
When they got back to Atlantis, they explained that no, the Ekleusi would not make good trading partners on account of how they were very trigger-happy and not that fond of strangers, and Elizabeth probed a bit to find out whether they'd somehow encouraged the Ekleusi to be more trigger-happy than usual, and Ford and Teyla described what they'd seen while Rodney and Sheppard had been lost in the woods, and M6T-438 was taken off the list of possibles, and they went off to clean up.
Rodney went into his quarters and shrugged his jacket off and started to pull his shirt over his head, then stopped and turned around. Sheppard was lounging by the door, watching him with what might be intended as a seductive look. "Hey, don't stop."
"What are you doing here?" Rodney tugged his shirt down again, trying to judge the line of Sheppard's gaze.
"Ford wasn't the first person I saw," Sheppard said, pushing away from the door. "You were."
"No, I wasn't." Rodney frowned. "Well, yes, I suppose I was, technically, but—"
"And we did get out of it alive. Unharmed, even." Sheppard stepped into Rodney's personal space and gave him a charming, earnest smile.
"Stop that," Rodney said, refusing to move backwards. "I'm not a squirrel."
"I've always liked that about you." Sheppard put a hand on Rodney's hip, fingertips touching a strip of bare skin where Rodney hadn't tugged the shirt down far enough. "I'm pretty sure if you were a squirrel, I wouldn't want to do this." He leaned in and brushed his mouth against Rodney's.
Rodney looked at him. "Okay, wait."
Sheppard kissed him again, a bit more warmly. "Waiting is boring."
"You actually meant it?"
"That's not obvious at this point?" Sheppard moved closer, and yes, it was obvious that he actually meant it. "And I notice you're not throwing me out of your room or anything, so."
"But Captain Kirk, this is so sudden," Rodney said, and Sheppard whapped his shoulder, which wasn't seductive or charming or earnest at all, so Rodney kissed him. "I was planning to take a shower."
Sheppard pressed his face against Rodney's neck and sniffed. "Later," he said, licking along the collar of Rodney's shirt.
Rodney pushed at Sheppard's jacket. "Later," he agreed. He fumbled, and Sheppard fumbled, and they left a trail of clothing from the door to the bed, fitting themselves together on the hard mattress with a bit of elbow-wrangling and breathless laughter. "What do you, I mean," Rodney said, and then Sheppard rolled closer and pressed his whole body to Rodney's, wriggling in close, and Rodney stopped talking.
Afterwards, Sheppard stayed with his face pressed into Rodney's shoulder, panting, and eventually he said, "I'd like to propose—"
"Now that's sudden."
"—propose an agreement." Sheppard nipped at the base of Rodney's neck. "Where we do this a lot more, and you stop calling me Kirk."
"I don't know," Rodney said, wrapping his arm more securely around Sheppard, "I don't want you to think I'm that kind of squirrel."
"You should have sex more often," Sheppard said. "It makes you silly."
Rodney yawned. "If I ever get out of this bed, I'm having a shower with the first person I meet. See. Whichever."
"Mm." Sheppard reached down and tugged at the bedcovers. "Now we have a plan."