January 29, 2011

Disclaimer: no ears were lost during the writing of this story. Written for porn battle XI. The request was Natsuo and Youji/Ritsuka, voyeurism. Do not archive without permission.

with his own ears

Ritsuka lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He let his eyes go unfocused and tried to perfect his ability to think about nothing. It would be very useful to be able to just shut down, to let everything flow past him. He never could stop his brain, though, either from noticing things or from turning them over to see how they fit together, trying to make a pattern, trying to make sense of life.

Soft giggles came from the bed, little sounds, whispers. Ritsuka tuned in in time to catch "...won't mind."

"Yeah? How do you know?"

Then Youji said, quite clearly, "Ne, Ritsuka. You don't mind, do you?"

"Mind what?" He turned his head that way just in time to see Youji lying on top of Natsuo, to see them kissing wetly. Ritsuka put his arm over his eyes. "I do mind! Stop that!" He could still hear them, though. "You shouldn't do that kind of thing in someone else's bed. It's rude."

Youji giggled. "Oh, Soubi won't mind."

"But Ritsuka minds," Natsuo said, and when Ritsuka snuck a peek under the crook of his elbow, Natsuo had rolled on top instead and was licking Youji's throat. "Ritsuka would rather be in Soubi's bed himself."

"With Soubi," Youji added. "Mm, there."

"No," Ritsuka hissed, because he really wouldn't. Soubi was much too grown-up, and his confusing kisses tasted of cigarettes. Sometimes he made Ritsuka feel very safe, but just sometimes, and those kisses didn't make him feel safe at all. "Stop it."

"Just relax," Natsuo said. "You don't have to cover your eyes like that. It's not as if we're going to go all the way."

"We're not?" Youji said in exaggerated disappointment. They giggled, and then the giggles were smothered by kisses, and Ritsuka tried not to think about the fact that now he knew what it sounded like when Youji and Natsuo kissed. Knew what it looked like, too, in little glimpses under his arm.

And that was just silly, so he took his arm away and watched them for a full breath in and out before going back to looking at the ceiling. He wasn't going to let them embarrass him. He didn't look when Natsuo moaned, but he didn't cover his ears, either. It was just something that happened to be going on in the same room, that was all. Ritsuka didn't care that they rolled over again, or that Youji's t-shirt floated down to the floor. He didn't count his breaths patiently until they were both silent and still -- asleep, he saw when he glanced that way.

Soubi came in a while later, with cool air and the scent of cigarettes in his clothes. He looked at the sleeping boys in the bed and shook his head, then looked down. "Are you all right, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka looked back, meeting Soubi's eyes and wondering why it was so difficult. He had no idea how to answer.

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