torch, flambeau@strangeplaces.net
January 2012

Disclaimer: so not a pirate. Beta by Arduinna. Do not archive without permission.

the memoirs of a pirate

When Ace is bored enough, he writes his memoirs in his head. He's been doing it since it was The Memoirs of a World-Famous Seven-Year-Old Pirate, or was it six, and he's kept doing it as he's moved up through the ages. Now it's the Memoirs of a Twenty-Year-Old Pirate, which is apparently as far as he's going to get. He's got a lot of material, though. He's done a lot, when he thinks about it. Done a lot of people, too.

"Or maybe I should make it the erotic memoirs," he says. "That'd be a bestseller for sure. I'd tell all the hot secrets I know about all the most infamous captains on the Grand Line."

"Ace-kun," Jinbei says reprovingly.

"And if you keep looking at me like that, I'll say you're bad in bed."

"Ace-kun!" Jinbei does not look amused. He's a great guy, Ace loves him to pieces, but he's not celebrated for his light-hearted nature and flippant wit. "You and I have certainly never been in bed together."

"Oh, you want me to be honest." Ace sighs and shifts his arms, flexing his fingers to make sure they're still there. The chains clank. "You should write your own book. Sex secrets of the Shichibukai. People would run out to buy it."

"I will not. There are no--" Jinbei breaks off.

Ace grins. "Yeah, tell me Doflamingo isn't off having sexcapades every chance he gets. He'd sleep with a navy warship if it held still long enough." He thinks about it. "He could probably make it hold still long enough."

"I do not want to think about that," Jinbei says very decidedly. And really, Ace doesn't either. And anyway, with a navy warship, where would you even--

Well, there's always the gun ports.

"Anyway, I'd only write about the people I'd slept with," he says. "Pirates, barmaids, navy captains."

"You're lying again," Jinbei says. Ace looks at him. "Embroidering."

"One navy captain," Ace amends. And wasn't that something. He really wants to write it down, to have some kind of record of the whole thing, because sometimes he thinks he must have imagined it.

Also, he thinks he might be the only person who really knows the truth. People get the wrong idea about Smoker. All they see is that gruff exterior, and sure, Smoker is kind of rough and violent, socially and in battle, but not everywhere.

Really not. He's really a very gentle, considerate lover. Ace tries out a few more adjectives in his head. Tender. Thorough. Oh, yeah.

Then he shifts a bit on the stone floor, because this is a good place to remember the past and relive the best parts, but a bad place to get a hard-on. And when he thinks about all the places on his body that Smoker's had his fingers, his tongue...

Actually he can't think of a place on his body where Smoker hasn't had his tongue. Freaked him out at first, cause the obvious places are fine, nipples, cock, who'd complain, but then it was his toes, the nape of his neck, the backs of his knees, his ass. And it was so good.

"Stop it," Jinbei says, looking the other way.

"Yeah. Yeah. Um. We broke up," Ace says.

"There was sufficient relationship for a breakup?"

Ace laughs a little. "Well, it was kinda doomed from the start, I'll give you that. I mean. Pirate. Marine. Still," he sighs a bit, "no one's ever satisfied me the way he did."

"I see. Feel free not to share any details whatsoever, Ace-kun," Jinbei says politely.

This time he laughs a lot more. "Man, I love you, Jinbei. I shoulda gone for you instead."

"We are different species," Jinbei says.

"Now you're just being picky." Ace stretches his legs out. "You think I have any chance of getting a publisher down here?"

"Depends on what the publisher has done," Crocodile calls from a couple of cells away, and Ace wishes he had something to throw at the guy. "Did I ever tell you about this mermaid that I--"

"No," Jinbei and Ace say in perfect unison, and Ace adds, "Please shut up."

"You always say that," Crocodile mutters. "I'm a sex god."

Ace grins. "Not in my book."

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